Reflection 4.2

I spent a lot of time on the revision of this essay, mostly because I was given so many valid and good ideas in my workshop critique. I think this is probably the toughest essay to revise yet--not only because there were so many ideas and suggestions, but because the topic itself isn't that easy to write about. It is very abstract conceptually, and because I don't fully understand fate (or even necessarily believe it) myself, I found it incredibly difficult to convey it to the reader.

In the revision, I reorganized several sections of the paper, and added a sentence or a paragraph here and there to inform the reader more. Most notably, I added a paragraph near the end that incorporated the definitions of fate and destiny into my story, and how they relate to it.

During the workshop, it seemed as though people were slightly confused about how this was an illustration of fate. While it makes perfect sense in my head, it was extremely difficult to describe this in written word. This is probably because I do not know if it was necessarily "fate" myself; therefore, I've found I'm not really "arguing" anything in this paper. Because I am exploring the possibility that it was fate, and explaining my reasoning for this, it was difficult for me to come up with a specific claim besides that fate MIGHT exist, and heres an instance why.

Finally, there were a lot of people that told me I should incorporate a story or stories that illustrate how my roommates and I share this sort of "connection." Unfortunately, this essay was almost 2100 words as it was, and to add more stories and explanations would push this essay over 3000 words. For this assignment, I did not feel it was necessary to explore it this deeply. I fully understand the rationale for "showing" our friendship rather than "telling," but for this assignment, I felt it was unnecessary in the end.

Overall, I am content with the final draft of this paper. It was extremely challenging to write and revise, simply because the topic is so abstract and the story's relation to fate is hard to describe. In any case, I hope the paper is convincing enough to have the reader wonder whether it was fate in the end as well-- not necessarily believe in fate, just be open to the possibility of its existence.

Essay 4 Prewriting

-Topic: housing selection; how it always seems to me like it was fate or something that it all turned out so well by accident
-Argument? Not really, more an exploration and explanation of how i think it COULD be fate. letting reader see into my head and make their own decision about what it was, but providing all my points to why it COULD be
-because i really didn't try, it seems weird that it all turned out so well in the end with how my roommates (partic. jeff) are my best friends here, and how their friends became my friends and how I'm really good friends because of that
-tell story of housing selection days in detail (sensory details)
-explore fate, if i even believe it; open to possibility that it was but unsure of if it exists (theology and ideology of it)
-look up definitions of fate/related words...studies? Might be hard to look for cause it's abstract idea and isn't scientific or quantitative
-what if this happened, that happened--basically my thought process when thinking about this


(Note: Sorry I posted this after both drafts, I just realized I never did!)

Essay 4.2: Was it fate?

I could hear birds chirping. The morning sunlight was streaming in through the small cracks between the shades on the windows of my bedroom. Awakened by my dog barking furiously at an outside passerby from a neighboring bedroom, I opened my eyes and stretched, calling out to my dog to quiet down. I yawned, looked at the clock, and saw that it was almost noon—not an uncommon practice for a lazy summer-stricken student like me. It was then that I suddenly realized that it was the day I was assigned to choose my housing for my freshman year of college.

Racing to my computer in a frenzy of panic and worry, I was terrified that it was too late to find and choose roommates to my liking. I was nervous and afraid; could all the rooms have been taken? Would there be a spot for me somewhere? Would I be left to room with someone I would clash with?

When I signed online and logged in, it did not take long for me to realize what had happened. My fears had been realized; there were no remaining rooms for me to choose. Every room, every person, and everything had been settled, chosen, and completed.

What was I supposed to do?

As I sat on my bed, thinking about what had just happened and what my options were, I thought back on my decision to purposely choose to room with someone I had never met. While I had attempted to find a roommate through the school’s online roommate-finder—eerily similar to a quasi-dating service—unfortunately, my attempts were to no avail. Similarly, summer orientation seemed as though it would be a proper (and more legitimate) place to befriend potential roommates, but once again, I returned home without success, and without a roommate. Thus, I eventually accepted and acknowledged fate as my best option, deciding to choose a roommate at random when housing selection arrived. At the time, I thought this to be a terrible mistake, having no further options for housing. However, I can happily acknowledge how wrong I was; waking up late that bright summer morning was by far one of the best mistakes I have ever made.

Fate is a philosophical concept I had never truly contemplated until I had spent several months away from home living at school. As abstract as it is confusing, fate remains a difficult idea for me to fully understand or fully believe, even today. I am constantly questioning whether things in my life are simply a result of chance, or whether it was fate—or “meant to be.” The word and its implications can be traced back to the Latin word Fatum, deriving from the verb meaning “to speak” (Bargdill 206-207). While “destiny” is commonly used as a synonym for “fate,” Christopher Bollas’ philosophical work of 1989—an extensive psychoanalysis of human and human destiny—denotes the significant difference between the words: “destiny” originates in the Latin word “destinare,” meaning “to fasten down, secure, or make firm” (Bollas 32). The technical definitions and roots of the word “fate” can thus quickly become exceedingly theological, philosophical, and complicated.

A few months prior to online housing selection, I had made the incredibly difficult decision of selecting which college to attend. With this decision, I was fully aware of how different my life would be depending on the school I attended the following fall; it never occurred to me, however, that “fate” might have had something to do with my decision. Furthermore, at the time of housing selection, I was ignorant and oblivious to the weight choosing a roommate would carry in my life from that point forward.

I remained on my bed for a while after being denied housing selection. Eventually, I walked downstairs, still contemplating my course of action. I found my dad in his office, working on his computer. As I explained the situation to him, I could see anger and frustration rising in his eyes. He immediately picked up the phone and called the school, questioning them as politely as he could what happened and what my options were. They told him that the rooms were all simply occupied, and that I would have to re-select housing in a few days—in a forced triple. Neither I nor my father were too excited about this; not only had we been assured by the college that there would not be forced triples the following year due to conscious efforts by the college to minimize overcrowding, but neither of us expected that I would be forced to do so.

I shook off the frustration that followed me for the rest of the day, and tried to think optimistically. This could work. I could make this work. It had to work.

A few days later, I awoke to the sound of my alarm buzzing annoyingly in my ear. Glancing to the clock after smacking it hard for waking me so early, I realized it was not even seven o’clock in the morning. This time, I was prepared. This time, I would be there when housing selection went live. At this point, I was determined to get this right. After all, I would be forced to live with these strangers for almost a year.

Refreshing the page every few seconds, my heart began to race as a cold sweat engulfed my body. I became increasingly fidgety, attempting not to consider how the decision I was about to make could possibly determine the difference between one life path and another. After a few page refreshes, I was enabled access to the web page, and quickly skimmed through the available housing. Clicking frantically, I read through housing profiles as quickly and efficiently as possible. The profiles provided only vague descriptions of the person, and therefore were not extremely helpful when trying to gauge a person’s personality and attributes. Because of this, I was regrettably very critical and judgmental while skimming through each profile— “Battlestar Galactica” nerd here, nudist enthusiasts there, lacrosse bros everywhere—but no one who seemed like a good match for me.

Finally, I found a room with two other people who seemed like a suitable match. Skimming through their profiles, they both seemed similar enough to me that I would at least get along with them. Making my decision official and final, I joined the room.

It was done. I was done. The situation had settled, and I could finally relax.

Over the next month, I made attempts to become friendly with my new roommates. Wanting to avoid any sort of problems, I was determined to establish a healthy and friendly relationship with them. I had no idea how close I would become with these individuals who, at the time, I considered to be strangers.

Almost a year later, I think back on the experience quite often. I have spent countless hours analyzing how it was possible for everything seemed to fall into place so smoothly in my transition from my home to college life. While there was always a chance to end up rooming with an extreme partier, the studious room hermit, the hall-streaker, or the drama queen, I always had an equal chance to find myself paired with a friend I will have for the rest of my life—who will be there for me no matter what happens during the year. I constantly find myself thinking, “How was it that I was randomly paired with such a fine pair of individuals?” and every time, I cannot think of any reason why except that it was simply meant to be; every time I examine how everything and every relationship came to be, my mind always returns to, “It was fate.”

Fate initially seems like a simple concept to understand—that significant events, actions, and plans happen because they are “destined” to happen—but can swiftly become confusing when every factor or possibility comes to mind. What if I had awoken early enough to select housing? What if I had joined another room? What if I had found a roommate prior to housing selection? Had any of these possibilities been a reality, my life today would most assuredly be completely different. Then again, if fate was there to intervene, no matter the circumstances…would it be?

Based on Bollas’ descriptions of “destiny” and “fate,” I find myself questioning whether this was an accurate depiction of one, both, or neither of the terms. Branching from the words’ technical identity, Bollas further describes how destiny involves direction or a predetermined plan, linked to “actions” rather than words; “If fate emerges from the word of the gods, than destiny is a preordained path that man can fulfill” (Bollas 32). Thus, overall, this instance is most clearly an illustration of destiny; however, it all depends on my personal beliefs. But what do I believe in? Is it a theological, intellectual or random occurrence? While it seems like an instance of destiny according to Bollas’ description, it could very well be both fate and destiny. But, if fate is predetermined actions and events governed by theological means, I cannot firmly decide what I believe in. Thus, for now, I can say that this story seems to align with the description of destiny more so than fate, simply because I remain uncertain of fate’s existence and true meaning.

My greatest fear going into college was not the classes or course load—it was the daunting task of making new friends and starting my social life completely anew. Before leaving for school, I was terrified by all the horror stories I had been told about terrible roommate experiences. Being raised in a small town and being timid by nature, I had remained friends with the same group of people since early elementary school. To this day, the majority of my home friends are people that I have remained friends with since before I was a teenager. At home, I had developed relationships that were well-established, but strangely impersonal.

However, since starting my college life away from home, I have established some of the best friends I have ever had over the course of my entire life. I feel closer to several individuals in college than I ever felt when I lived at home. According to a study conducted by Brown University, almost half of freshmen college students are “extremely satisfied” with their roommates; furthermore, more than seventy percent were at the very least “satisfied,” whether their roommates, no matter how it was they chose them (Fazzalaro par. 1). Because of this reality, in addition to my personal experiences, my fears of terrible roommates are now a figment of the past. Thus, the question remains, was it fate if so many people have similarly pleasant experiences? Or are favorable “fates” more common than I realize?

Living with two other people has provided an experience to make unique connections in a manner that I have never faced in my nearly twenty years alive. Likewise, I consider myself incredibly lucky for blindly choosing to room with a person who would become not only my best friend at school, but be one of the most interesting people I have ever had the pleasure to meet. Building such close relationships with both my roommates yielded opportunities to meet other people with whom I am now also extremely close. Furthermore, because of these branching connections and tight-knit relationships, I was also able to find a girl with whom I can share a mutual quirkiness and love unconditionally.

Incredibly, all of this was possible as a result of my housing selection. From my relationships, memories, class selections, purchases—everything made possible because of who I chose to room with. Had I chosen anyone else, my life today could have been completely different. Because of this truly extraordinary (and yet, strangely ordinary) circumstance, I have been enabled to view my life—and others’—from a new perspective. I have found that sometimes, things are better left up to chance. Sometimes, it seems decisions are made and events happen because they are meant to happen that way—for the better or worse, no matter the stakes. Sometimes, I realize, some things are simply the result of fate’s incredible invisible influence.

Works Cited

Bargdill, Richard W. “Fate and Destiny: Some Historical Distinctions Between the Concepts.” Saint Francis University. 206-207. February 2007. Web. 19 April 2011.

Bollas, C. “Forces of destiny: Psychoanalysis and human destiny.” Northvale NJ: Jason Aronson. 1989. Web. 19 April 2011.

Fazzalaro, Kristina. “Just the two of us: most satisfied with freshmen roommate.” The Brown Daily Herald, Brown University. 16 November, 2010. Web. April 19, 2011.