Essay 4.1: Was it Fate?

I could hear birds chirping. The morning sunlight was streaming in through the small cracks between the shades on the windows of my bedroom. Awakened by my dog barking furiously at an outside passerby from a neighboring bedroom, I opened my eyes and stretched, calling out to my dog to quiet down. I yawned, looked at the clock, and saw that it was almost noon—not an uncommon practice for lazy summer-stricken students like me. It was then that I suddenly realized that it was the day I was assigned to choose my housing for my freshman year of college.

Racing to my computer in a frenzy of panic and worry, I was terrified that it was too late to find and choose roommates to my liking. I was nervous and afraid; could all the rooms have been taken? Would there be a spot for me somewhere? Would I be left to room with someone I would clash with?

When I signed online and logged in, it did not take long for me to realize what had happened. My fears had been realized; there were no remaining rooms for me to choose. Every room, every person, and everything had been settled, chosen, and completed.

What was I supposed to do?

As I sat on my bed, thinking about what had just happened and what my options were, I thought back on my conscious decision to choose housing with someone I had never met. I had attempted to find a roommate through the school’s online roommate-finder—eerily similar to a quasi-dating service—but, unfortunately, my attempts were to no avail. Similarly, summer orientation seemed as though it would be a proper (and more legitimate) place to befriend potential roommates, but again, I returned home with no success. Thus, I eventually accepted and acknowledged fate as my best option, planning to choose a roommate at random. At the time, I thought this to be a terrible mistake, having no further options for housing. However, I can happily acknowledge how wrong I was; waking up late that bright summer morning was by far one of the best mistakes I have ever made.

Fate is a philosophical concept I had never truly contemplated until I had spent several months away from home living at school. Being such an abstract idea, fate remains a difficult idea for me to fully understand. The word and its implications can be traced back to the Latin word Fatum, deriving from the verb meaning “to speak” (Bargdill, 206-207). While “destiny” is commonly used as a synonym for “fate,” Bollas’ philosophical work (1989) denotes the significant difference between the words. “Destiny” originates in the Latin word “destinare,” meaning “to fasten down, secure, or make firm,” (Bollas, 32). Bollas further states how destiny involves direction or a predetermined plan, linked to “actions” rather than words; “If fate emerges from the word of the gods, than destiny is a preordained path that man can fulfill” (Bolla, 32). The technical definitions and roots of the word “fate” can thus quickly become exceedingly theological, philosophical, and complicated.

A few months prior to online housing selection, I had made the incredibly difficult decision of selecting which college to attend. With this decision, I was fully aware of how different my life would be depending on the school I attended the following fall. At the time of housing selection, however, I was ignorant and oblivious to the weight this single decision would carry in my life from that point forward.

After I remained on my bed for a while after being denied housing selection, I walked downstairs, still contemplating my course of action from this point. I found my dad in his office, working on his computer. As I explained the situation to him, I could see anger and frustration rising in his eyes. He immediately picked up the phone and called the school, questioning them as politely as he could what happened and what my options were. They told him that the rooms were all simply occupied, and that I would have to re-select housing in a few days—in a forced triple. Neither me nor my father were too excited about this; not only were we assured by the college that there would not be forced triples the following year due to conscious efforts by the college to minimize overcrowding, but neither of us expected that I would be forced to do so.

I shook off the frustration that followed me for the rest of the day, and tried to think optimistically. This could work. I could make this work. It had to work.

A few days later, I awoke to the sound of my alarm buzzing annoyingly in my ear. Glancing to the clock after smacking it hard for waking me so early, I realized it was not even seven o’clock in the morning. This time, I was prepared. This time, I would be there when housing selection went live. At this point, I was determined to get this right. After all, I would be forced to live with these strangers for almost a year.

Refreshing the page every few seconds, my heart began to race as a cold sweat engulfed my body. I became increasingly fidgety, attempting not to consider how the decision I was about to make could possibly determine the difference between one life path and another. After a few page refreshes, I was enabled access to the web page, and quickly skimmed through the available housing. Clicking frantically, I read through housing profiles as quickly and efficiently as possible. Regrettably, I was very critical and judgmental while skimming through each profile— “Battlestar Galactica” nerd here, nudist enthusiasts there, lacrosse bros everywhere…but no one who seemed like a good match for me.

Finally, I found a room with two other people who seemed like a suitable match. Skimming through their profiles, they both seemed similar enough to me that I would at least get along with them. Making my decision official and final, I joined the room.

Over the next month, I made attempts to become friendly with my new roommates. Wanting to avoid any sort of problems, I was determined to establish a healthy relationship with them. I had no idea how close I would become with these individuals who, at the time, I considered to be strangers.

Almost a year later, I think back on the experience quite often. I have spent countless hours analyzing how it was possible for everything seemed to fall into place so smoothly in my transition from my home to college life. Every time I examine how everything and every relationship came to be, my mind always returns to, “it was fate.”

Fate initially seems like a simple concept to understand—that significant events, actions, and plans happen because they are “destined” to happen—but can swiftly become confusing when every factor or possibility comes to mind. What if I had awoken early enough to select housing? What if I had chosen another room to join? What if I had found a roommate prior to housing selection? Had any of these possibilities been a reality, my life today would most assuredly be completely different.

My greatest fear going into college was not the classes or course load—it was the daunting task of making new friends and starting my social life completely anew. Before leaving for school, I was terrified by all the horror stories I had been told about terrible roommate experiences. Being raised in a small town and being timid by nature, I had remained friends with the same group of people since early elementary school. To this day, the majority of my home friends are people that I have remained friends with since before I was a teenager. At home, I had developed relationships that were well-established; however, none of these were as close to some I have now.

Since starting my college life away from home, I have established some of the best friends I have ever had over the course of my entire life. I feel closer to several individuals in college than I have ever felt when I lived at home. According to a study conducted by Brown University, almost half of freshmen college students are “extremely satisfied” with their roommates (Fazzalaro, par. 1). Because of this, in addition to my personal experiences, my fears of terrible roommates are now a figment of the past. Living with two other people has provided an experience to make unique connections in a manner that I have never faced in my nearly twenty years alive. Likewise, I consider myself incredibly lucky for blindly choosing to room with a person who would become not only my best friend at school, but be one of the most interesting people I have ever had the pleasure to meet. Building such close relationships with both my roommates yielded opportunities to meet other people with whom I am now also extremely close. Furthermore, because of these branching connections and tight-knit relationships, I was also able to find a girl with whom I can share a mutual quirkiness and love unconditionally.

Incredibly, all of this was possible as a result of my housing selection. From my relationships, memories, class selections, purchases—everything made possible because of who I chose to room with. Because of this truly extraordinary (and yet, strangely ordinary) circumstance, I have been enabled to view my life—and others’—from a new perspective. I have found that sometimes, things are better left up to chance. Sometimes, decisions are made and events happen because they are meant to happen that way—for the better or worse, no matter the stakes. Sometimes, I realize, some things are simply the result to fate’s incredible invisible influence.

Works Cited

Bargdill, Richard W. “Fate and Destiny: Some Historical Distinctions Between the Concepts.” Saint Francis University. 206-207. February 2007. Web. 19 April 2011.

Bollas, C. “Forces of destiny: Psychoanalysis and human destiny.” Northvale NJ: Jason Aronson. 1989. Web. 19 April 2011.

Fazzalaro, Kristina. “Just the two of us: most satisfied with freshmen roommate.” The Brown Daily Herald, Brown University. 16 November, 2010. Web. April 19, 2011.